Monday, December 21, 2009

History of Gilbertopia Part I

Now the history of Gilbertopia is very lively and dramatic, some say, it is so bloody dramatic, that it could only have been conjured up by a wacky sci-fi author who's had too much chocolate. That is partly true since our censors are indeed wacky sci-fi authors who 've had too much chocolate. We only allow one view, one history to be told, and we choose how to tell the story.

So once upon a time, when the world was flat, and not just flat, but also rectangular, there was no civilisation. Everybody was stupid uneducated, and knew nothing about the world they lived in. And there actually was peace. But it was so very boring. Come on, how can anything be interesting when there's peace? Every story must have conflict!

One day, a geologer drilled into the earth and found out that it was made out of cardboard. Cardboard has many uses, but Gilbertopians were soon able to bend cardboard to their daily necessities.

They made vehicles such as cars, trucks, ships and planes out of cardboard. They made television out of cardboard.

Cardboard was also a source of energy when purified, it was so kewl, it was called kewlnergy. One gram of kewlnergy produce 1.3 Megajoules of energy. In fact, in our system, one Kewl (k) is a unit equal to 1.3 Megajoules.

That's right, we've ditched the metric system so none of you will ever understand what the heck we're talking about. We also made electric current a non-SI derivative

So anyway, none was as smart and with scientific background as the ruler Gilbert, so they primitively called it "magic substance" (Now I'd love to translate that crudely into chinese, maybe it'll sound less retarded)

Pretty soon, an entire township was formed on cardboard. A discipline of bending cardboard was formed, and the disciples were called "cardboard using people" And life was still boring.

One day, Gilbert came down to their little world and decided to make life more interesting for them.

First, he gave them enemies to fight. These people would always come and raid them, kill them, destroy their farmland, assault towns here and there, carry away their women, sell their kids into slavery, steal their pets and eat their cheese. Now isn't life more interesting for them?

And so, the natives were so grateful to Gilbert for making life interesting, that they worshipped him as a god and named themselves in his honour. (You as the reader, better just shut up and let me finish)

And the Elite Cardboard Using People developed a new discipline that involved using cardboard in fighting. The new discipline was called "Fighting Using Cardboard"

So the Fighting Using Cardboard People formed an army, and went up against the invaders, who had by this time been called "The People Who Sack and Raid Cardboardland" *Cardboardland is Gilbertopia*

So the Fighting Using Cardboard People fought against the People Who Sack And Raid Cardboardland, and beat 'em up real bad.

So the People Who Sack And Raid Cardboardland were driven of to "The Land Where The People Who Sack And Raid Cardboardland Were Driven To"(TLWTPWSARCWDT)

And so, the Gilbertopians gained their independence, thanks very much to Gilbert, who gave them people who would conquer them so that they could enjoy getting liberated. So that's what happened to the formation of Gilbertopia. The End. Later on in Part II, we explore the cultural reforms (Read: Boring peace processes) that took place in Gilbertopia.

- And the world stayed flat.