In light of the criticism of Gilbertopia that the government does not provide any funding for medical research and training, Gilbert has declared a new Medicare and Medicaid programme.
In this programme, our nurses are now taught how to operate hypodermic needles. They get all their practise from state sponsored oranges! That's right, trainee nurses first learn how to use needles by practising on oranges. What a wonderful development from simply hit-and-miss trial by fire, on-real-live-patient mass poking that we normally do.
They are also taught that hypodermic needles are supposed to be hypo-dermic, which means before the dermis. That's true right? I mean, if hypo- means before or less, and epidermis is the layer of skin UNDER the dermis, than the hypodermic needle pokes above the skin.
So, as consequence, our patients are not getting any better, but just look at those healthy oranges!
Beautiful!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sorting few things out
Yes, the Great Gloomunster of Gilbertopia is pretty aware that the last post contradicts with his world census report. That's the problem, see. The ministry of Propaganda in Gilbertopia doesn't have a very good memmory, and hence can't keep track of all our little lies.
Well just to sort things out on wht will be canon:
The police do exist. In three levels.
Police, secret police and thought police.
Police do all the grunt work.
What secret police do is a secret. Whether they exist or not is also a secret.
Thought police are these hastily ripped-off of 1984 thought police and are pretty similar in their composition and method.
In courts, the legislative powers are pretty high up to the below-Gloomunster level.
The executive powers are under the police/military
the judiciary is under a kangaroo court. Um, I mean under the military, which is waaay more biased towards our rule than a police are.
Yep, I hope that clears it.
Well just to sort things out on wht will be canon:
The police do exist. In three levels.
Police, secret police and thought police.
Police do all the grunt work.
What secret police do is a secret. Whether they exist or not is also a secret.
Thought police are these hastily ripped-off of 1984 thought police and are pretty similar in their composition and method.
In courts, the legislative powers are pretty high up to the below-Gloomunster level.
The executive powers are under the police/military
the judiciary is under a kangaroo court. Um, I mean under the military, which is waaay more biased towards our rule than a police are.
Yep, I hope that clears it.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Social security
Social security may refer to social insurance, income maintenance and all that crap in other countries, but not in Gilbertopia.
In Gilbertopia, social security consists of taxes, more taxes, police, secret police and thought police.
Here's how it works:
1) You pay your taxes
2) Police demand taxes.
3) You say you've already paid your taxes.
4) Well now you've got new taxes, except now it goes to the police.
5)You go to court. Complaining about these fraudulent taxes.
6) The Judge demands a 'fee' to investigate your case......
Gilbertopia does, however, provide insurance, under the gubberment pw3nt (or owned, for you non-elite speakerz) compagnie, Gilassures Pt Ltd. Yes, just like other Gilbertopian economic sectors, it holds a monopoly on insurance.
The terms are pretty unique in Gilbertopian insurance. Laws are very different from what one might find in other countries. They vary from other countries in that:
a) In case of death, the policyholder is the one that will be paid. Family and friends or other beneficiaries do not apply.
b) There is no Unemployment Insurance, merely unemployment assurance.
c) Property is government's anyway, so you can't claim on that.
d) Insurance is mandatory
e) Apart from life insurance, there is no assurance that insurance will cover you.
In Gilbertopia, social security consists of taxes, more taxes, police, secret police and thought police.
Here's how it works:
1) You pay your taxes
2) Police demand taxes.
3) You say you've already paid your taxes.
4) Well now you've got new taxes, except now it goes to the police.
5)You go to court. Complaining about these fraudulent taxes.
6) The Judge demands a 'fee' to investigate your case......
Gilbertopia does, however, provide insurance, under the gubberment pw3nt (or owned, for you non-elite speakerz) compagnie, Gilassures Pt Ltd. Yes, just like other Gilbertopian economic sectors, it holds a monopoly on insurance.
The terms are pretty unique in Gilbertopian insurance. Laws are very different from what one might find in other countries. They vary from other countries in that:
a) In case of death, the policyholder is the one that will be paid. Family and friends or other beneficiaries do not apply.
b) There is no Unemployment Insurance, merely unemployment assurance.
c) Property is government's anyway, so you can't claim on that.
d) Insurance is mandatory
e) Apart from life insurance, there is no assurance that insurance will cover you.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Gilbertopian culture
Gilbertopian Square Pie
A hallmark of any particular culture is effigied in its cuisine. Gilbertopians are well-known for their delicious square pies. The pies basically taste the same as any other pie, but now their area is easily measurable. The legend goes that Garchimedes wanted to measure the area of the top of his favourite pie. He found from this other guy by the name of Archie or Arky or meedees or whatever that pie= 3.142. But since that was such an irrational number, decided that it would be easier to measure the surfce area of his pie if it were a square. So he edited the regular formula 3.142*R*R , for measuring the surface area of his pie to Pie Are Square. Hence, the area of pies are now far easier to calculate.
The nutritional value of Gilbertopian Square Pies are surprisingly healthy. Gilbertopia's top nutritionist claims that Gilbertopian pies can be consumed singularly, because they constitute square meals.
Glasses
In Gilbertopia, every one wears sunglasses, a nice black coat and long pants with belt, as well as tie with a silver bar tie clip. (THINK MIB) This is the official dress of Gilbertopia. Unless of course, one is in the military in which soldiers wear the flag of the military. Which we will discuss later. (Or at least this is how civillians are portrayed in our propagandistic films).
Hush-hush
The Gubberment de Gilbertopia demands discipline from the hearts of every Gilbertopian. The citizens are quick to repent at the smallest sin they might make against the fatherland. Not that it works. This is actually shadowed by the fact that the Thought Police are quick to hunt down dissidents.
A hallmark of any particular culture is effigied in its cuisine. Gilbertopians are well-known for their delicious square pies. The pies basically taste the same as any other pie, but now their area is easily measurable. The legend goes that Garchimedes wanted to measure the area of the top of his favourite pie. He found from this other guy by the name of Archie or Arky or meedees or whatever that pie= 3.142. But since that was such an irrational number, decided that it would be easier to measure the surfce area of his pie if it were a square. So he edited the regular formula 3.142*R*R , for measuring the surface area of his pie to Pie Are Square. Hence, the area of pies are now far easier to calculate.
The nutritional value of Gilbertopian Square Pies are surprisingly healthy. Gilbertopia's top nutritionist claims that Gilbertopian pies can be consumed singularly, because they constitute square meals.
Glasses
In Gilbertopia, every one wears sunglasses, a nice black coat and long pants with belt, as well as tie with a silver bar tie clip. (THINK MIB) This is the official dress of Gilbertopia. Unless of course, one is in the military in which soldiers wear the flag of the military. Which we will discuss later. (Or at least this is how civillians are portrayed in our propagandistic films).
Hush-hush
The Gubberment de Gilbertopia demands discipline from the hearts of every Gilbertopian. The citizens are quick to repent at the smallest sin they might make against the fatherland. Not that it works. This is actually shadowed by the fact that the Thought Police are quick to hunt down dissidents.
Monday, March 2, 2009
New species discovered
Gloobertopian explorers have discovered a new species of dinosaur name Thesaurus (from Latin-english: The lizard)
Thesaurus is a still existing species of dinosaur exclusive to the Bookcase mountains, Gloobertopia. They are often found being preyed upon by a canivorous species Dictionaurus Rex, another newly discovered dinosaur. There have been four species of dinosaur discovered so far, the list goes as follows:
Lexiconodon
Barney
Dictionaurus Rex
Thesaurus.
They can eat people, but only when fried with butter.
Thesaurus is a still existing species of dinosaur exclusive to the Bookcase mountains, Gloobertopia. They are often found being preyed upon by a canivorous species Dictionaurus Rex, another newly discovered dinosaur. There have been four species of dinosaur discovered so far, the list goes as follows:
Lexiconodon
Barney
Dictionaurus Rex
Thesaurus.
They can eat people, but only when fried with butter.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
A few new laws added to the constitution
1. We the Gloobertopian police,(A.K.A the Fa Shiown police)* hereby claim the right and responsibility to interrogate and/or torture a perceived wrongdoer in the interest of the safety of the country. That includes dead people and animals.
2. It is illegal to waste food in Gloobertopia.
3. Therefore, it is illegal to put toasters into bathtubs, because it might wet the toast.
4. However, the person will not be charged with attempted suicide by self-electrocution by wet toaster. Because that person is 'wet toast'.
5. Dead people can still be arrested. We dunno why we like torturing dead ppl so much.
5. It is illegal to forge a signature, including one's own.
6. It is illegal to kill a dinosaur or dodo. They are protected species.
7. Wet toast is free from prosecution. Unless they are buttered with cheese on a Monday.
8. And again, do not desecrate cheese on Mondays. It's part of our "we have a religion so we can dump insane and sometimes random taboos onto you" program. (And we secretly hate you.)
9. All those who keep pet fish require a fishing license. Because fishing is controlled. (Apparently, we can't tell the difference between a fish license and a fishing license.)
10. All government companies must arrange daily two-hour meetings on how to increase office productivity as part of our economics program.
*The Fa Shiown police is the new police force created by Gloomunster. The Arbiter Tribunal is not set up yet, so jurisdiction, or what is right and wrong, is decided by tossing a coin.
2. It is illegal to waste food in Gloobertopia.
3. Therefore, it is illegal to put toasters into bathtubs, because it might wet the toast.
4. However, the person will not be charged with attempted suicide by self-electrocution by wet toaster. Because that person is 'wet toast'.
5. Dead people can still be arrested. We dunno why we like torturing dead ppl so much.
5. It is illegal to forge a signature, including one's own.
6. It is illegal to kill a dinosaur or dodo. They are protected species.
7. Wet toast is free from prosecution. Unless they are buttered with cheese on a Monday.
8. And again, do not desecrate cheese on Mondays. It's part of our "we have a religion so we can dump insane and sometimes random taboos onto you" program. (And we secretly hate you.)
9. All those who keep pet fish require a fishing license. Because fishing is controlled. (Apparently, we can't tell the difference between a fish license and a fishing license.)
10. All government companies must arrange daily two-hour meetings on how to increase office productivity as part of our economics program.
*The Fa Shiown police is the new police force created by Gloomunster. The Arbiter Tribunal is not set up yet, so jurisdiction, or what is right and wrong, is decided by tossing a coin.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Somethings I would like to sort out later
Currency
The currency of Gloobertopia is the Gloobertopian Buck with an exchange rate of 1 USD to 300,000 Gilbertopian bucks. The only note divisions are in 0.1 bucks, 0.5 bucks or 1 buck.
Inflation is so great in Gloobertopia (600,000,000,000%) that the Gloobertopians recycle the paper notes that they get, because the recycled material is usually worth more than the note itself. As a result, jails in Gloobertopia fill up within hours because of all the people found guilty of destroying legal tender.
The foreign reserve currency of Gloobertopia is the Zimbabwean dollar, which suffers considerably less inflation than Gloobertopia. One Gloobertopian buck at this very moment is worth 0.8 Zimbabwean dollars.
Political freedom
Chickens are freer than the Gloobertopians there.
National Religion
Gloomunster worship, that's final! All others are persecuted.
Gloomunster is one of the most bloodthirsty religions in Western Ameepo. Characteristics of this religion is nihilism, the abstinence from eating cheese on a Monday and never insulting the great Gloomunster.
As of 2nd March 09, Gloobertopia is now a circular country. That means that we discourage the worship of squares. "What the hell is the difference between "circular" and "secular" anyway?"
asks Gloobertopian minister of religion, Jarod von Rumstedt.
Tax rate
80% coz we feel like it.
Previously, the formula for calculating the taxes due per citizen was simple
(Income - GB$100,000) *80% * no. of limbs = taxes due
The reasoning was so that amputees could get away with a 20% tax break if they had less one arm or leg.
This encouraged Gloobertopians to evade tax via self-amputation. So, in a bid to increase government revenue, this new formula was installed:
(Income -GB$100,000)*80%*no. of heads = taxes due.
In order to make up for all the losses in government revenue last year, the proposal to tax dead people was accepted and executed.
Technology
Gloobertopians are a highly advanced race with 'kewl' technology. Technology that utilises kewlness as a power source.<- a form of chemical energy by the way.
Kewlnergy is obtained in crystal form and found in the kewlness mines in the kewl mountains in the state of Solid.
The potency of stored kewl crystal energy is estimated to be 1 gram of kewl crystal = 700 unit energys*
The crystal comes in a pure form and does not require purification. Despite the potency of Kewlness crystals, it happens to be extremely stable- but a mild jolt of electritcity can break it down to form energy, among other ways.
Kewlnergy had been found to be extremely efficient, as when the apparatus is right, most of the converted energy changes directly into electricity without having to converting into kinetic energy nor heat energy.
Kewl crystals have been known to have other strange properties that many still do not understand.
Previously, Gloobertopian Kewlguyz used Kewl crystals as a weapon, much like grenades. The central government of Gloobertopia has since banned the practice of Kewlcraft due to its destrcutiveness.
* according to the Gloobetopian measurement system. How this correlates to the imperial/metric system is still to be determined.
The currency of Gloobertopia is the Gloobertopian Buck with an exchange rate of 1 USD to 300,000 Gilbertopian bucks. The only note divisions are in 0.1 bucks, 0.5 bucks or 1 buck.
Inflation is so great in Gloobertopia (600,000,000,000%) that the Gloobertopians recycle the paper notes that they get, because the recycled material is usually worth more than the note itself. As a result, jails in Gloobertopia fill up within hours because of all the people found guilty of destroying legal tender.
The foreign reserve currency of Gloobertopia is the Zimbabwean dollar, which suffers considerably less inflation than Gloobertopia. One Gloobertopian buck at this very moment is worth 0.8 Zimbabwean dollars.
Political freedom
Chickens are freer than the Gloobertopians there.
National Religion
Gloomunster worship, that's final! All others are persecuted.
Gloomunster is one of the most bloodthirsty religions in Western Ameepo. Characteristics of this religion is nihilism, the abstinence from eating cheese on a Monday and never insulting the great Gloomunster.
As of 2nd March 09, Gloobertopia is now a circular country. That means that we discourage the worship of squares. "What the hell is the difference between "circular" and "secular" anyway?"
asks Gloobertopian minister of religion, Jarod von Rumstedt.
Tax rate
80% coz we feel like it.
Previously, the formula for calculating the taxes due per citizen was simple
(Income - GB$100,000) *80% * no. of limbs = taxes due
The reasoning was so that amputees could get away with a 20% tax break if they had less one arm or leg.
This encouraged Gloobertopians to evade tax via self-amputation. So, in a bid to increase government revenue, this new formula was installed:
(Income -GB$100,000)*80%*no. of heads = taxes due.
In order to make up for all the losses in government revenue last year, the proposal to tax dead people was accepted and executed.
Technology
Gloobertopians are a highly advanced race with 'kewl' technology. Technology that utilises kewlness as a power source.<- a form of chemical energy by the way.
Kewlnergy is obtained in crystal form and found in the kewlness mines in the kewl mountains in the state of Solid.
The potency of stored kewl crystal energy is estimated to be 1 gram of kewl crystal = 700 unit energys*
The crystal comes in a pure form and does not require purification. Despite the potency of Kewlness crystals, it happens to be extremely stable- but a mild jolt of electritcity can break it down to form energy, among other ways.
Kewlnergy had been found to be extremely efficient, as when the apparatus is right, most of the converted energy changes directly into electricity without having to converting into kinetic energy nor heat energy.
Kewl crystals have been known to have other strange properties that many still do not understand.
Previously, Gloobertopian Kewlguyz used Kewl crystals as a weapon, much like grenades. The central government of Gloobertopia has since banned the practice of Kewlcraft due to its destrcutiveness.
* according to the Gloobetopian measurement system. How this correlates to the imperial/metric system is still to be determined.
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